Oregon

Tears won't come.
Rain won't fall.
Heart ache.
Smile fake.

Take me home.
Give me air.
Let me go.
Take me there.
Home is where the heart is.

Dear Friend

I think you are a wonderful person. You seem so brave. I don't know much about you, though I love your very visible love for your children.
You have no idea how much I want to be your friend, but you are like a book with a dust cover that has that brief description of the contents. It's just the littlest blip of your life, and I long to open the book. Only it has a lock, and takes a very special key, and a particular technique to turn the key. It's like a puzzle lock.
You are so sweet! You seem so young to have such a big hurt on your heart! I have no idea what that hurt might be, but I want to take it off!
I hope you somehow see how much I would love to be your friend. When you asked me for help, I thought, maybe this is a first step to being a friend! Steps are small and slow, however, so I need to remember that all in God's time.
But! I am praying for you. And I do not begrudge this time spent in learning this or that about you.
Love in Christ!
Your Friend,
Me =)

YOLO

Life is short.

Does it ever grip you how short life really is? What do you do with the time that is given to you?

YOLO
You Only Live Once

How cliché that expression is. And yet at the same time, how true. You DO only live once. How can I use my time wisely? Because I will never get it back. I'm a mommie, and a wife. I have one tiny life to guide, and one greater life to accompany. As each of these things, how can I be the best that I can be?
Does it ever sweep over you and terrify you to think that you only have just a little time to be here? Mother, wife. Even father, husband.
As I keep growing up, time keeps speeding up. How can I slow it down??

My son is already 7 months old. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was born? How did I miss the time passing? How is he already crawling? Standing? How does he suddenly weigh so much? Where did the time go? What did I do wrong that made me miss so much?

And yet, I realize I didn't miss it. I was there for all of it. He grew and changed right before my very eyes. I watched all of it. Except for those vitally important seconds where I blinked.
I think I must glue my eyes open, and never look away, so as to catch every single instant. Otherwise he will be all grown up before I have a chance to turn around.
I pray not to miss a single moment that the Lord gives to me!

Hold On: An Excerpt of My Overwhelmed Thoughts

Blinded and torn I turn and turn,
Seeking a respite from the bitter winds that buffet me about.
But no relief.
No calm.
Only the storm.

Only the storm stripping me bare.

In the storm I stand
Until I can stand no more.
I fall to my knees.
I fall to my face.
Scarred.
Scared.
Helpless.

Nothing to hold onto.
No light to push toward.
Only darkness screaming all around me.
Numbing.
Breaking.
Slipping.

Hello 2014

Well a very challenging year is behind us, and let me guess, another very challenging year ahead?
Most likely.
Can't say I'm really enjoying all these trials and tests of my faith, (which *doesn't* seem to be getting stronger through everything.)
That's not to imply that nothing enjoyable has been/is happening. Indeed, there is plenty to cheer me.
Christopher Charles for one. =)
My dear husband of course, for two. ♥
That is to imply that I am weak and don't have a clue what one earth I am doing or how to do it. So this year I have made two resolutions, the most important being to read once through the Bible.
Do you realize I have never actually done that?
Surprised?
Me neither.
I have penciled in a few sub-resolutions which I should very much like to accomplish along with reading through the Bible, such as: write in my journal every day, write a blog post at least every week, read x number of books this year; but those are all, as I mentioned, sub. If none of them get accomplished but the completion of the first does, I shall be satisfied.
My second resolution is to show love to my husband in a way that will be most meaningful to him. Which of course means that I must study him and get to know him better, which, in the long run, will mean a stronger marriage for the both of us. Win!
We have been married just over a year now, and while it wasn't a perfect year, it also wasn't a bad year at all. However I know that a lot of our ease of passage has come from being newlyweds, and I know we cannot float on that forever. Also with the advent of a child it is even harder to give my husband the attention he needs.
So! Solid things to begin my new year on eh? Let us hope so.
My daily prayer is for perseverance.

Happy New Year Everybody!

5-1/2 Weeks Left, & Good Food

Basically I love anything having to do with tomatoes and avocados.
I have discovered roasted tomatoes are the BOMB!
And just perfectly ripe avocados are the BOMB!
I have also discovered dark red, juicy raw tomatoes are the BOMB!
Avocados and eggs are the BOMB!
Add a freshly grown tomato and you have DOUBLE BOMB!
Frankly, I'm feeling explosively happy right now! Yes, tomatoes and avocados have something to do with my current state of being.

One of my favourite creations is my Almost-Famous Tuna Salad. If you've been around me for awhile I've probably made this Tuna Salad for you. That's what I mean by "almost famous", my family and friends probably know about it.
I never make it the same way twice. But basically, there are a few things I always like to put in it.

Tuna, for starters,
Fresh Apples, chopped
Dried Cranberries, be generous
Fresh Cilantro, cannot have too much cilantro!
Green Onions, don't go too far overboard, but don't be shy
Mustard, as much or as little as you like
Mayo, only enough to bind everything together, too much and you lose everything else
Salt and pepper to taste.

I usually like to add grated carrots, finely chopped celery, fresh dill, chopped up, a little fresh, chopped rosemary (though I am trying to figure out a way to get the oils out of the rosemary without the strange sensation that I'm eating an evergreen tree...rosemary oil? Muddle the rosemary? I don't know...still experimenting), fresh thyme! If you have lemon thyme, even better! Boiled eggs from pastured hens make a fantastic addition, and are especially great for extra protein if you find your Tuna is getting lost amongst all your other fantastic veggies and herbs and stuff. If you're like me you like things to have a very awesome, full mix of flavours; so I add horseradish if I have it available. Hot horseradish. It gets hidden very nicely in the salad so you don't really have to worry about it overpowering anything.

Now I used to put this on a sandwich and feed it to my dad and brothers. As far as I know, they all liked it, but you know how men can be, basically non-commital if they like something.
More recently I discovered that putting it on a bed of salad greens makes it epic! Also if you decide to take it to work for lunch, your bread doesn't get soggy. (I have had this problem, it is not wonderful).
Now, if you are going to put it on a bed of salad greens, why not make an all-out salad out of it? Cut up some fresh tomatoes and it's the BOMB! Add an avocado and *bang!* DOUBLE BOMB!!
Other fun things I'll add if I'm in the mood and have them on hand are cooked white rice mixed with olive oil and herbs, chick peas, grapes, more cilantro (I'm a fan), cucumbers, grated cheese of choice (I especially like Sharp Cheddar, Smoked Cheddar, Smoked Gouda, cubed, or a little freshly grated Parmesan, easy to go overboard on Parm though), basically if you like it, add it!
Today the only fruits or veggies I had to add to my tuna salad were apples. This made me sad. But I was extra generous with the mustard and substituted dried dill for fresh. Alas, also no cilantro or dried cranberries. I did, however, have a perfectly ripe avocado and a fresh red tomato! So I tore up some fresh Romaine lettuce, dumped my Tuna Salad on top of it and topped that with my Tomato and Avocado.
Now I usually like to add some kind of dressing, but creamy dressings don't work. Usually I'll just end up squeezing a fresh lemon over it all and it turns out pretty good. Today I drizzled Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil and fresh lemon juice on the top, sprinkled a little dried dill on top of that with some grated Parm, and sat down to enjoy my BOMB-licious salad.

In the midst of making my BOMB-licious salad, I decided to look up what kind of squash it was that I had in my fridge, and how to cook it.
Found a fantastic recipe on my favourite Real Food blog and discovered that I have pattypan squashes. Unfortunately I didn't have fresh basil, or dried for that matter, so I put some kale in it and roasted it in my tiny new toaster oven with the last half of a zucchini squash I had in the fridge too.
Toaster oven worked like a little miracle, and my kitchen did not start melting! Even turning on a burner and cooking something on the stovetop makes my kitchen hotter than that tiny toaster oven did!
Ha ha! So now I think I need a name for my tiny toaster oven!

And so on to other subjects:
Being almost 35 weeks along means I'm not sleeping as well as I would like. It is highly difficult to get comfortable. And then, whether I drink before bed or not, I still have to get up twice to 3 times in the night to go to the bathroom. I guess that is something I will just have to get used to. Babies wake up in the night a lot I've heard.
However, even being this much pregnant I find myself able to keep up with the worst of my household chores, the kitchen! I cook at least every other day, and I clean something in my kitchen at least once a day. Even if it is just what I used to make lunch that day.
I feel good about that. Now I really need to take on the enormous task of cleaning and organizing my bedroom to prepare for the advent of my tiny little man! That, however, is a bit more daunting. **sigh**
I need my mommy!

And I want to make a peach pie, and sticky buns.
But I need a rolling pin.
**sigh**

Well TTFN my friends and blog readers!

Hopefully more awesome will come out of my brain in the next week. Tomorrow I am going shopping! Must get coconut oil. And eggs. And milk. And butter.

6 Weeks Left, & Tiny Red Crock Pot At It Again

So yesterday marked 34 weeks, for strict counting purposes. But who knows for sure when a baby will ever come? He seems content enough to stay put, which I am glad of. Though he likes to give me the run-around with plenty of Braxton Hicks contractions! Especially in the most inconvenient places and times. Usually informs me that I have to go to the bathroom immediately! It is definitely getting cramped in there for him though!

Today I have been able to accomplish yet more in my journey to a cleaner house. I think I may have discovered my cure for naps right after breakfast! Sleep in forever!!
Both Jeremy and I had the day off today, so we slept in till sometime after 11. His first words on waking and rolling over were, "Bacon and eggs and toast for breakfast?" To which I replied, "I'd have to thaw the bacon." And he returned with, "Just put it in hot water and it will thaw in no time. And while you're waiting you could make a fruit salad."
Hehe, he does make me smile. He's an excellent cook himself, but working a full time job as a cook has effectively turned off any motivation or desire to cook at home for him. At least it saved me the trouble of having to lay in bed for the next half hour trying to decide what to make for breakfast, kind of like how I do when I'm trying to decide what to wear for the day.
So I made bacon and eggs and toast for breakfast. And fruit salad. And the first thing he did upon receiving his was to sandwich the eggs and bacon between his two slices of toast and proceed to eat it with his fingers. =)
Am I the only woman who has a husband who tries to turn his meal into a sandwich if he has an opportunity? Is it something about the dislike of silverware? Or does that mean he can eat it before it gets cold better? I'm really not sure. I'll have to ask him.

So now, while my husband is away helping his parents clean up the property for the new winery, I pretend to further my goal of a clean house before baby arrives. When he left the thermometer in the Mazda read 104º! This would certainly be a nice day to have central air! Buutt, my house is not so blessed to have AC, so I have set up a box fan and it bloweth on me as I work, and somehow my house has managed to stay at a semi decent temperature of about 78º-ish I think.
I had a serious desire for some baked potatoes today, but turning on the oven means risking burning down the house (I am only partially kidding here.) And even if the house doesn't burn down I will melt, because the indoor temperature will instantly rise to at least 90º! So I am testing the capabilites of my fond friend, the Tiny Red Crock Pot. Will she bake potatoes? If so, in how much time? (I still have not lit on the right name for this little red friend of mothers around the world.)
Also, I'm testing my own capabilities! Can I put together a delicious chili without all the ingredients in the particular recipe I'm taking inspiration from? Is it ok to not have tomatoes in it? What about green chilies? I certainly have onions! Which is unusual. My onions normally disappear by the time I decide to make a recipe which actually calls for them. And I found a special looking package of chili spice mix in my pantry from the Tea & Spice Exchange in Portland! I have no idea how long it has been in my pantry, but upon tasting my concoction after I had added all the ingredients I had for it, plus this mysterious spice mix, it seems to be doing alright! I hope Jeremy likes it!
Well I must be going! My husband is coming home! And there is still more work I could be doing!
Go, Tiny Red Crock Pot! Go!

I seriously need a name for it!