Oregon

Tears won't come.
Rain won't fall.
Heart ache.
Smile fake.

Take me home.
Give me air.
Let me go.
Take me there.
Home is where the heart is.

Dear Friend

I think you are a wonderful person. You seem so brave. I don't know much about you, though I love your very visible love for your children.
You have no idea how much I want to be your friend, but you are like a book with a dust cover that has that brief description of the contents. It's just the littlest blip of your life, and I long to open the book. Only it has a lock, and takes a very special key, and a particular technique to turn the key. It's like a puzzle lock.
You are so sweet! You seem so young to have such a big hurt on your heart! I have no idea what that hurt might be, but I want to take it off!
I hope you somehow see how much I would love to be your friend. When you asked me for help, I thought, maybe this is a first step to being a friend! Steps are small and slow, however, so I need to remember that all in God's time.
But! I am praying for you. And I do not begrudge this time spent in learning this or that about you.
Love in Christ!
Your Friend,
Me =)

YOLO

Life is short.

Does it ever grip you how short life really is? What do you do with the time that is given to you?

YOLO
You Only Live Once

How cliché that expression is. And yet at the same time, how true. You DO only live once. How can I use my time wisely? Because I will never get it back. I'm a mommie, and a wife. I have one tiny life to guide, and one greater life to accompany. As each of these things, how can I be the best that I can be?
Does it ever sweep over you and terrify you to think that you only have just a little time to be here? Mother, wife. Even father, husband.
As I keep growing up, time keeps speeding up. How can I slow it down??

My son is already 7 months old. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was born? How did I miss the time passing? How is he already crawling? Standing? How does he suddenly weigh so much? Where did the time go? What did I do wrong that made me miss so much?

And yet, I realize I didn't miss it. I was there for all of it. He grew and changed right before my very eyes. I watched all of it. Except for those vitally important seconds where I blinked.
I think I must glue my eyes open, and never look away, so as to catch every single instant. Otherwise he will be all grown up before I have a chance to turn around.
I pray not to miss a single moment that the Lord gives to me!

Hold On: An Excerpt of My Overwhelmed Thoughts

Blinded and torn I turn and turn,
Seeking a respite from the bitter winds that buffet me about.
But no relief.
No calm.
Only the storm.

Only the storm stripping me bare.

In the storm I stand
Until I can stand no more.
I fall to my knees.
I fall to my face.
Scarred.
Scared.
Helpless.

Nothing to hold onto.
No light to push toward.
Only darkness screaming all around me.
Numbing.
Breaking.
Slipping.

Hello 2014

Well a very challenging year is behind us, and let me guess, another very challenging year ahead?
Most likely.
Can't say I'm really enjoying all these trials and tests of my faith, (which *doesn't* seem to be getting stronger through everything.)
That's not to imply that nothing enjoyable has been/is happening. Indeed, there is plenty to cheer me.
Christopher Charles for one. =)
My dear husband of course, for two. ♥
That is to imply that I am weak and don't have a clue what one earth I am doing or how to do it. So this year I have made two resolutions, the most important being to read once through the Bible.
Do you realize I have never actually done that?
Surprised?
Me neither.
I have penciled in a few sub-resolutions which I should very much like to accomplish along with reading through the Bible, such as: write in my journal every day, write a blog post at least every week, read x number of books this year; but those are all, as I mentioned, sub. If none of them get accomplished but the completion of the first does, I shall be satisfied.
My second resolution is to show love to my husband in a way that will be most meaningful to him. Which of course means that I must study him and get to know him better, which, in the long run, will mean a stronger marriage for the both of us. Win!
We have been married just over a year now, and while it wasn't a perfect year, it also wasn't a bad year at all. However I know that a lot of our ease of passage has come from being newlyweds, and I know we cannot float on that forever. Also with the advent of a child it is even harder to give my husband the attention he needs.
So! Solid things to begin my new year on eh? Let us hope so.
My daily prayer is for perseverance.

Happy New Year Everybody!