brother

I saw him smile again today.
for the first time in months.
yet i could see the stoop of his shoulders,
the weight on his heart,
the sorrow resolutely held at bay.
and i cried inside for the pain he suffered.
and i looked at him,
as though i could never see him enough.
his eyes are more brown than they used to be.
and i missed him again,
more than before.
and i prayed.
a silent prayer,
while he scrutinized me,
and tried to read my eyes.
i tried to tell him,
with silent words,
that i love him.
that i miss him.
that i wish he was himself again.
that i know his hurt.
that i bear his pain every day.
but i don't know if he read that.
i don't know if he believes me.