summertime! (and i miss you)

i have discovered great virtues...

iced coffee is seriously the only thing i drink these summer days.
besides water, of course.

wet seal is the awesomest store ever. :) my soul sista and i went, and found more lovely things at wet seal than at heritage 1981, old navy, american eagle, forever 21, banana republic, h&m and urban outfitters together.

i went to the beach with a bunch of friends, and found myself listening to Skillet and the like, on the trip home, around midnight, because the driver of our bus would have fallen asleep otherwise. interesting music, Skillet...

Stepping Heavenward is the book I've found myself most thoroughly engrossed in so far, this summer. If you have not, you really ought to read it, especially if you are human and sinful...

i never used to think summer was so much fun! i used to be so in love with autumn and the falling leaves, falling rain, fall season, that i forgot to even notice the glorious things that summer could hold...

beautiful things all around me everywhere. i hope i can open my eyes to see them, and not dwell in the pain that threatens to undo me.

like...just how much i miss my soul sister.

we did have so much fun together for the five days that she was here! it makes me happy and sad at the same time to think about it.

this is me trying to focus more on the *happy* than on the sad: :)

this is me sort of not really succeeding with great satisfaction...
... :) ... :(

um...

this is a me that needs sleep...
zzzzzzzzz

Beka Conser has been here since last Thursday, and I have never been happier since I left Oregon, around 4 years ago.
She's leaving tomorrow, but I have determined not to think about it until she actually goes. Nevermind that there is just a huge ache hiding deep inside that is just waiting....

We have been looking at pictures of old times and happinesses. It's absolutely wonderful.

In short...

I MISS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one instant

Sometimes my heart catches a beat,
and tries to hold onto it,
because that beat holds a memory.

it's gone now.
but i saw it.
i saw the gold.
i saw home.
just once.
just for an instant.

like a picture of something precious.
fleeting.
moving.
memorable.

something in the light.

yes. it's the light.
so rare.
but so full.
for one instant I feel like I've seen a long lost,
long loved,
dearly remembered friend.
for an instant.

and they smiled at me.
we shared a secret memory.
then they were gone.

and once more
i am searching.

Um...I really *really* want to write something, but there has been little or nothing inspirational these days. I've been busy making dresses for the past two weeks, and some dancing. Yes. Swing dancing.
The other day *something* almost made its way onto the page, but it was confused, and it wasn't the time for it.

Crazy things are happening around here, and I'm not going to NSA this Fall. :(
I'll illucidate further when I have the time. Right now I must be off. Dresses to finish, feast dishes to concoct, errands to run, brothers to transport, houses to clean, coffee...etc...the life of an only daughter. :)

Love to you all!
<3

"i want to laugh about everything that *could* be,
instead of cry about everything that *is*"

brother

I saw him smile again today.
for the first time in months.
yet i could see the stoop of his shoulders,
the weight on his heart,
the sorrow resolutely held at bay.
and i cried inside for the pain he suffered.
and i looked at him,
as though i could never see him enough.
his eyes are more brown than they used to be.
and i missed him again,
more than before.
and i prayed.
a silent prayer,
while he scrutinized me,
and tried to read my eyes.
i tried to tell him,
with silent words,
that i love him.
that i miss him.
that i wish he was himself again.
that i know his hurt.
that i bear his pain every day.
but i don't know if he read that.
i don't know if he believes me.

rain...

I really want to write poetry...but my poetic brain seems to be too tired...if anything comes tonight i'll be sure to put it up within the week.
it's pouring rain, and very warm, so i have my window wide open, and i'm listening to the beautiful sound of rainfall on the city. it's the only time i ever love the city...at night, when it rains.

"there's something about the way the street looks when it's just rained: there's a glow off the pavement..." -taylor swift


"let the rain fall down, everywhere around you.
give into it now, let the day surround you.
you don't need a reason, let the rain go on and on." -enya


"ohhh, remember when it rained.
in the water i remained." -josh groban

"in the rain, the pavement shines like silver; all the lights are misty in the river." -les miserables (musical)


"unleash your fury, fill the sky.
let your clouds explode, go on and cry
your tears of mercy,
give me time.
unlock your winds and let them blow,
let your lightning strike, your thunder roll:
come on rain!" -steve holy

"Lord, when i get to heaven, can i taste the milky way?
i don't wanna come to visit cause i'm coming home to stay.
and i can't wait to see my family and meet Jesus face to face.
and do you think, Lord, you could use another angel,
to help pour out the rain?" -buddy jewel

"if it's going to rain, i hope it pours." -george strait

"in the city in the rain, among the beautiful lights.
in the city in the rain i think i'll dance all night." -the 6ths